The day India beat Nigeria 100 - 0!

 "Ha! Peter Rufai no sabi anything" bellowed the carpenter. "The way those India people take yeye am e...I never see".
  As a kid, if you didn't hear the story of the football match where India beat Nigeria 100 - 0  (One hundred goals to nothing) then I doubt if you grew up in Nigeria during my time. Mind you, the scoreline for that match varied from location to location. My present colleague, Moses, said that in Makurdi (where he grew up) the score was 99 - 1. That the only goal for Nigeria was scored when a Nigerian striker whose right boot was loose took Nigeria's only shot on target and his boot flew off his feet. The Indian goalkeeper caught his boot instead of the ball which went coolly into the top right corner of the net. Another friend of mine who grew up in Lagos said the scoreline 'in Lagos' was 99 - 0!
   The other players that featured in that game from the Enugu version of the match analysis were Henry Nwosu and Dimeji  Lawal. None other. Or at least the others werent so important for their names to be known. Note also that the line up for that game changed with location too. I must say that the Lagos version of the story is the most hilarious. Where at a stage in the game the Indians were dancing to the famous sunita music and left the Green Eagles with only their goalkeeper. That even with the outfield players dancing to sunita on the sidelines Nigeria couldnt score! That must have been the most controversial football game played by Nigeria. If you sum up the total number of players that played the game from the various versions of it you would get more than 30 (thirty) players.
The only uniform part of the story from the different versions of it was the fact that for one of the goals, Peter Rufai saw a lion flying at him instead of the ball. He ran away only to hear the crowd roaring. He turned back to see the ball at the back of the net. For another goal, he saw a ball of fire and dodged it only to find the ball at the back of the net again. Wait o...did I mention that after the match FIFA banned India from all footballing activities? Hahahaha... Yes. They were banned from football for using Indian version of black magic to beat Nigeria!
   Even when the carpenter was telling us the story, I had my doubt. Not because India cannot beat Nigeria, but even as a boy of less than five years old, counting from 1 - 100 was a problem as I considered 100 to be too far from 1. Only to be told that we were beaten 100 - 0 by India. India!!! Of all countries?! Either the man was lying or India is really a super power in black magic. That was my conclusion.
Also, of everyone that told the story, none watched the match. It was always a reported speech.  Second hand analysis.
The story is what it is. A story. A lie. A story made up to glorify the metaphysical prowess of India.
   What is the similarity between the Nigerian football of today and the Nigerian football from the story? Comedy. Nigerian football is now a complete comedy. Businessmen have been running Nigerian football. Not that a Nigerian businessman cannot run football. No. Far from that. But when you never had a business and don't also start up one, but instead commercialise your office as a Nigerian football administrator then you are of all men most fraudulent. There are some Nigerian league matches I don't bother going to watch having known the team and stadia in question. I don't go. But if I have had a bad time and in need of a live comedy show then I go. With a solid assurance of being entertained.
   Nigeria football ought to be growing but instead we are backsliding. I have this belief that Amaju Pinnick will do better than his predecessors. Not in giving us medals, but in restoring sanity to the Nigerian football house. As we prepare to watch AFCON 2015 without Nigeria, I can only wish us happy viewing.
   On a final note, please those of us who were told that story of how India hammered Nigeria should not continue with that story to the younger generation. Please. It's funny, yes. But 'bad funny'. Unless you want to be told "daddy you can lie e" by your children then tell the story. Nowadays children are very sharp. They won't buy that gist.

Follow Ikenna Enenta on twitter; @ikenna005